Hello, I am Ali and I really want to be a despot.

24Jun09

 Ali anonI’m trying hard, so help me, I really am, but it’s hard to get good help these days.

I thought we had that election all sewn up, but oy vey, that Mahmoud couldn’t steal candy from a baby, he’s so clueless.  What a shemozzle.  Now I have to come out from behind the veil and tell everybody straight out “That’s it, you know me, I wouldn’t cheat you, all over red rover.” 

But those people in the streets, they’re so rude.  That’s what I can’t forgive, they’re so rude, saying they don’t believe me no more.  Okay, so we have to say that yes there was maybe a little bit of fraud, but not so much to change the result. 

I like that bit.  That bit I’m thinking was very clever, neh?  “Eleven millions,” I say, “how could we steal eleven millions?  Maybe you think we could steal a million or two, but eleven is way too many.”

That’s such a clever argument, they’ll never see through that one.

So now we’ve won the election, I have some problems I’d like some help on.  Not so much problems maybe, just issues, you know.  We despots don’t have problems, of course, just brilliant solutions that we haven’t shown yet.

So here’s the real issue.  My economy is going down the toilet.  Bad, bad, bad I’m thinking.  Poor old Mahmoud, sweet guy, great schtick on blaming everybody else, but really not so smart when it comes to the money.  We’re spending so much paying other people to fight our battles, but where’s the cost-benefit analysis?  And building peaceful nuclear power is not cheap, you know what I mean?

Also, I hate that I need educated people so much, and they’re a real lippy bunch.  But if you want to build nukes you need a few people who know how things go together.  So how do I get people who know what’s what, when I don’t want people who know what’s what.  Know what I mean?

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